I feel like I'm failing...

[BarryBoi358]

Hello Everyone,

In March 2025 my ex and I adopted a 6 month old Dob. He was purchased from a breeder for a son's elderly mother. One day, Barry ran between the mothers legs and she fell and broke her hip. Barry then went back to the son who worked in the oil patch and had ZERO time for him. Barry would be crated all day long and only let outside and then crated again at night while the son went to his second job.

When we took Barry home I was already worried this was already a mistake. He has SO MUCH ENERGY. I cried most of the first week we had him as he was so unmanageable. I downloaded a training app and we mastered sit, down, stay and high five (both paws). But we can't do training more than 10 minutes as he almost becomes overstimulated and starts doing all of his trick in a row (SITDOWNSITDOWNSHAKESITDOWN) and I have to stop training as we both become extremely frustrated.

He goes to daycare with his brother, 3 year old sheepadoodle I've had since he was 3 months old, every Monday/Wednesday/Friday and we go on an intense hike every Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday. I left my ex and took both of the dogs, and two cats, as he started abusing Barry out of frusttraion. My life has turned upside down after the break up (July 2025) and I can admit I've been falling short on training, but we are still doing our routine of daycare and hikes. I was at the dog park the other day, which I'm never going back to again for some reason that dog park is full of "Karen's". Long story short, some young boxer mix dogs swarmed Barry and he barked at them/ corned them to tell them to "F off", and the owners lost it on me saying my dog needs to learn recall which is funny as that previous weekend we were on our hike and a lady called out to me to advise her dog was reactive, I asked Barry to stay with me and he did. This negative interaction sent me into a full mental breakdown and I'm worried I have to rehome Barry. I love him so so so so much and even the idea of saying good bye to him makes me cry.

I almost feel like something is wrong wit his brain due to poor training as a baby. He just gets so crazy sometimes and literally bounces off the walls and now I'm worried his recall is ruined. I purchased an e-collar on Amazon and I don't even know where to begin with that. I'm very stern with him when he does something bad, i follow it with "NO!" and then I make him sit and stay, but as soon as I give him the release command he bolts off going 100km/h. How long am i meant to due obedience training daily before he gets the crazies? Am I not doing enough? Will he be like this forever? i feel like a terrible dog mom who can't get it right. I don't want to give up on my baby boy and I need help, please...

 

[JanS]

Welcome from Minnesota!

He's just a baby who didn't get off to a good start at live so it's up to you to build some structure in his life. Get him in a routing, give him lots of training, exercise and mental stimulation and reward him excitedly when he figures out something you're asking of him.

Will he be like this forever? i feel like a terrible dog mom who can't get it right.

If this is your first Doberman there is a bit of a learning curve for us too but they turn into the best dog you'll ever have after he rounds that corner.

I almost feel like something is wrong wit his brain due to poor training as a baby.

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with his brain and it might just take a little extra time to get him to trust you and listen to you.

 

[BarryBoi358]

Welcome from Minnesota!

He's just a baby who didn't get off to a good start at live so it's up to you to build some structure in his life. Get him in a routing, give him lots of training, exercise and mental stimulation and reward him excitedly when he figures out something you're asking of him.

If this is your first Doberman there is a bit of a learning curve for us too but they turn into the best dog you'll ever have after he rounds that corner.

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with his brain and it might just take a little extra time to get him to trust you and listen to you.

Thank you for the reply! I just don't want to let him down and I'm worried I am. Bruce, my sheepadoodle, was SO EASY to train and Barry is just so crazy. I just started a new job and we are getting back into a solid routine. I will be more consistant with training and try to remember he's figuring things out just as I am.

 

[Two Dobes]

I'm so sorry to hear your despair....the whole divorce thing is so new to you, and now you are diving into doberman life on your own. I don't believe you are letting him down, as @JanS said; it's a whole learning curve, but I think if you are able to take a breath, and get in a routine with him, he will turn into a fabulous doberman. The fact that he lived in a crate for too many hours before you got him, tells me THOSE people let him down...as unfortunate as their circumstances were. God bless you for taking him, and making sure your ex didn't keep him!
There are many videos on e collar training on YouTube - I have never seen this guy, ...just throwing one out here for you...I don't think he mentions that the minute the dog turns to him, he stops the stimulation.

I also like Shield K9

It sounds as though your boy has some good exercise in terms of training, day care and hiking....I think the routine is what will make a big difference. These guys love consistency in their lives...and it's really only been a month since you are on your own with him, so give yourself a break...this will take some time if you are able to work through it.
Please keep us posted!

 

[GennyB]

. He just gets so crazy sometimes and literally bounces off the walls and now I'm worried his recall is ruined.

Sounds like a normal doberman pup. Maybe a younger pup but he didn't have the foundation when he was younger. IMHO, step up the training. Be a firm fair pack leader and BE CONSISTANT! So many get frustrated and give up on the dog. I hope you don't because I have no doubt he will be a GREAT dog one day!
I know this is hard because you are going through a lot right now. But try to keep the emotion out of it. Remember what you feel travels right down the leash.
Is there a club (dog traing) near you? Lots of clubs offer classes that are usually pretty reasonably priced. Maybe you should consider that to help take some pressure off you? The classes are usually one night a week and run for 6 weeks. It can really help with the 2 of you bonding on a different level. This poor guy has to be confused. This is his 3rd home and he only 6 mos old? Yeah, some bonding is in order. I really hope you can work out some classes for the 2 of you!

 

[BarryBoi358]

I'm so sorry to hear your despair....the whole divorce thing is so new to you, and now you are diving into doberman life on your own. I don't believe you are letting him down, as @JanS said; it's a whole learning curve, but I think if you are able to take a breath, and get in a routine with him, he will turn into a fabulous doberman. The fact that he lived in a crate for too many hours before you got him, tells me THOSE people let him down...as unfortunate as their circumstances were. God bless you for taking him, and making sure your ex didn't keep him!
There are many videos on e collar training on YouTube - I have never seen this guy, ...just throwing one out here for you...I don't think he mentions that the minute the dog turns to him, he stops the stimulation.

I also like Shield K9

It sounds as though your boy has some good exercise in terms of training, day care and hiking....I think the routine is what will make a big difference. These guys love consistency in their lives...and it's really only been a month since you are on your own with him, so give yourself a break...this will take some time if you are able to work through it.
Please keep us posted!

Thank you so much for your kind words. That has made me feel better. He is actually on a pretty strict schedule. I commute an hour to work, so I wake up at 6 am and I let him and his brother out while I get ready and they wrestle in the back yard. Then I feed them breakfast and we get some cuddle time in. Then he goes to his crate while im at work. He is great in his crate and just sleeps or suckles on his favorite toy (so cute). Then I get home and we immediately go for our hike. Then home, dinner, 10 min training and a bully stick to finish the night. Mon/Wed/Fri he goes to day care from 8am-5pm and we do training at night. I have been slacking on training until this week as I've been slightly depressed from life, but I know I need to buckle down and get back into it. Lots of come, sit, stay. And I've started pointing at a corner in the kitchen, making him sit/stay, then I point to another corner and he immediately goes there and sits down.

We just finished our hike and he was really disobedient at the start, but by the middle of the walk he was coming to his recall 80% of the time. And we almost ran into a coyote but the boys recalled which was great. I rewarded him everytime he recalled and sat down. Now he's being rewarded with a really good chewy before his STRICT bedtime at 9:30.

Its like we have great days, or hours of the day, then there are some things where im ready to pull my hair out bc he just won't listen. The videos you sent me helped me understand what to do with the e-collar so much more THANK YOU!!! I've followed both accounts now and we will start with conditioning when the e-collar comes in.

 

[BarryBoi358]

Sounds like a normal doberman pup. Maybe a younger pup but he didn't have the foundation when he was younger. IMHO, step up the training. Be a firm fair pack leader and BE CONSISTANT! So many get frustrated and give up on the dog. I hope you don't because I have no doubt he will be a GREAT dog one day!
I know this is hard because you are going through a lot right now. But try to keep the emotion out of it. Remember what you feel travels right down the leash.
Is there a club (dog traing) near you? Lots of clubs offer classes that are usually pretty reasonably priced. Maybe you should consider that to help take some pressure off you? The classes are usually one night a week and run for 6 weeks. It can really help with the 2 of you bonding on a different level. This poor guy has to be confused. This is his 3rd home and he only 6 mos old? Yeah, some bonding is in order. I really hope you can work out some classes for the 2 of you!

Hes actually 10 months old. I got him at 6 months. I've messaged a couple groups in my town for training and will definitely be setting that up. We have bonded like crazy and I can definitely tell he views me as mom. I love him so so much especially after what we've been through together. I will remember to take a breath and take it easy on him and myself.

 

[MyBuddy]

Welcome to the world of Dobermans!

Like others are saying, he is a puppy, even at 10 months. Still too young to really know how to curb his energy. But he will settle down soon enough.

We are on our fourth Doberman and only our second young puppy. Our first Doberman was 12 weeks old when we got him and Annie was the youngest we've had at only 9 weeks old when we got her a year ago March. I was amazed and actually amused by her energy! Non-Stop. SMH They certainly can keep you entertained!

He is actually on a pretty strict schedule. I commute an hour to work, so I wake up at 6 am and I let him and his brother out while I get ready and they wrestle in the back yard. Then I feed them breakfast and we get some cuddle time in. Then he goes to his crate while im at work. He is great in his crate and just sleeps or suckles on his favorite toy (so cute). Then I get home and we immediately go for our hike. Then home, dinner, 10 min training and a bully stick to finish the night. Mon/Wed/Fri he goes to day care from 8am-5pm and we do training at night. I have been slacking on training until this week as I've been slightly depressed from life, but I know I need to buckle down and get back into it. Lots of come, sit, stay. And I've started pointing at a corner in the kitchen, making him sit/stay, then I point to another corner and he immediately goes there and sits down.

This actually sounds really good! I think you're doing a great job! There will always be frustrating times and times you think you're doing everything wrong. But I think you're doing everything right so far! You have both been through a lot. Give yourself some credit. Together you're going to make it!

Being good with his crate is a big plus and very helpful! To you and to him. A lot of people never have success with that! Annie turned one year old this March and I can't even remember when I finally put the crate away but it was sort of recently. She was in a crate at night next to my bed and I had another crate in our breakfast room that she went in whenever I had to leave the house for hours at a time. She was very good about it and it gives you a break sometimes when you have to leave and you can't trust them alone in the house.

I'm so sorry to hear about your life's troubles. Going through a divorce is one of the highest stress levels in life. But I'm glad you ended up with the dogs! They are very lucky to have you! Love your photos of them!

 

[LifeofRubie]

Welcome and I'm sorry for the turbulence you've all had to deal with, recently.

My opinion: when you're hiking, if his recall is not 100%, he should not be off-leash (unless I've misunderstood something!). Now, that doesn't mean he needs to be on a 4ft leash in a perfect heel but I would get at least a long lead.

And it may sound counter intuitive but do you practice just 'being?' Take him somewhere dog friendly and just sit and reward him for being calm or work with him laying on a mat/place? Or he is already good with that?

Dobermans benefit wildly from consistency with firm and fair training. There will likely be the "doberteens" when it does feel like he's regressing or challenging you but stay with the consistency and firm and fair and that too shall pass (easy for me to say as we've been past that phase for SEVERAL years ).

I adopted a big ole Doberboy after a breakup in which my ex basically stole my dog from me so I'm so happy your dogs are with you. It was just me and Toby for about a year and half and he just adored being doted on by someone with all the time in the world for him although he was about 3 or so when I got him so much more chill. Barry will get there. Please stick around here and keep us updated on your progress and ask all the questions! We also love pictures

 

[BarryBoi358]

My opinion: when you're hiking, if his recall is not 100%, he should not be off-leash (unless I've misunderstood something!). Now, that doesn't mean he needs to be on a 4ft leash in a perfect heel but I would get at least a long lead.

And it may sound counter intuitive but do you practice just 'being?' Take him somewhere dog friendly and just sit and reward him for being calm or work with him laying on a mat/place? Or he is already good with that?

His recall was great when I first started training him, but now it's like he's testing his boundaries (and my patience). When we were on our hike we actually encountered a coyote dead on. The boys came to a complete stop and I could tell they were thinking about running over, but to my surprise they recalled beautifully. I asked them to turn around and follow, and they stayed right at my side and just stopped to look back when the coyote yowled. I will try what you mentioned with the lead and I'll also start my e-collar training this weekend!

I'm sure he's running around having a ball at daycare right now! I will keep you all posted. Thank you for your kind words! <3

 

[Gelcoater]

His recall was great when I first started training him, but now it's like he's testing his boundaries (and my patience). When we were on our hike we actually encountered a coyote dead on. The boys came to a complete stop and I could tell they were thinking about running over, but to my surprise they recalled beautifully. I asked them to turn around and follow, and they stayed right at my side and just stopped to look back when the coyote yowled. I will try what you mentioned with the lead and I'll also start my e-collar training this weekend!

I'm sure he's running around having a ball at daycare right now! I will keep you all posted. Thank you for your kind words! <3

Welcome to DCF and good on you for reaching out, this forum has some very experienced members.
Reading through this thread there's lots of great advise, and can only add some small tidbits.
A tired and worn out Doberman is a happy Doberman, especially at this age. Not to discourage you but he is entering the Doberteen phase and he will test you, lol.
If you have a 2 story home? Throw a ball, stuffy, tuggy or what ever he prefers up there several times Before! you take him on walks. It will get some of the pent up energy out of him and his manners should improve.

Another idea is a treadmill, you living up in the Great White North, there will be times going out on a walk will not be a pleasant experience and it's an exercise tool that can be used year round, for him and you. Considering life is kicking you in the balls right now it might do you some good too. It's a constant job keeping up with a Doberman, sort of like having a toddler around.

Now, to the post above. I recognize this from my own male Dober from the past. While on walks his recall was great with the red girl we had, and after she was gone it dropped to 50% tops. He was following her lead. Some one on one time walking somewhere safe to do so off leash might go one of two ways, same or a complete mess. Don't be discouraged if he's off the rails bad, he's young and it takes time especially during this teen phase.
Frankly, Rocky would have gone after the coyote, at least started to, until he came to his senses and listened to command.

What's the old saying? When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? Or is it Mojitos?

 

[MyBuddy]

His recall was great when I first started training him, but now it's like he's testing his boundaries (and my patience). When we were on our hike we actually encountered a coyote dead on. The boys came to a complete stop and I could tell they were thinking about running over, but to my surprise they recalled beautifully. I asked them to turn around and follow, and they stayed right at my side and just stopped to look back when the coyote yowled.

So they are both off leash when you're hiking? Wow, I don't think I could even do that. I'm sure that Annie would have taken off after that coyote. Or a bunny rabbit or a turtle. I wouldn't trust her off leash on a wooded trail without her e-collar. I would worry too much about her safety if she acted silly.

 

[BarryBoi358]

Welcome to DCF and good on you for reaching out, this forum has some very experienced members.
Reading through this thread there's lots of great advise, and can only add some small tidbits.
A tired and worn out Doberman is a happy Doberman, especially at this age. Not to discourage you but he is entering the Doberteen phase and he will test you, lol.
If you have a 2 story home? Throw a ball, stuffy, tuggy or what ever he prefers up there several times Before! you take him on walks. It will get some of the pent up energy out of him and his manners should improve.

Another idea is a treadmill, you living up in the Great White North, there will be times going out on a walk will not be a pleasant experience and it's an exercise tool that can be used year round, for him and you. Considering life is kicking you in the balls right now it might do you some good too. It's a constant job keeping up with a Doberman, sort of like having a toddler around.

Now, to the post above. I recognize this from my own male Dober from the past. While on walks his recall was great with the red girl we had, and after she was gone it dropped to 50% tops. He was following her lead. Some one on one time walking somewhere safe to do so off leash might go one of two ways, same or a complete mess. Don't be discouraged if he's off the rails bad, he's young and it takes time especially during this teen phase.
Frankly, Rocky would have gone after the coyote, at least started to, until he came to his senses and listened to command.

What's the old saying? When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? Or is it Mojitos?

Thank you for the reply! I read some things an reddit that also mentioned this is the age where they drive most people nuts. I love the idea of making him run up and down the stairs before training/walks, I will deffinetly do that! I am also worried about winter as he is actually such a princess when it comes to the weather, or anytring really. He doesn't even want to go outside for potty when its raining, so I've added a doggy snow suite to my Amazon wish list. He is not great on a leash and I really need to get that under control as well, I recently purchased a prong collar and need to do some more research on that before we give it a go.

I was very surprised they were both able to control themselves, that's my biggest worry on those hike sis running into wildlife. Another thing, he will NOT let me give him a bath. He jumps in and out of the tub and fights with every available muscle he has.. any advise on how to curb that?

 

[BarryBoi358]

So they are both off leash when you're hiking? Wow, I don't think I could even do that. I'm sure that Annie would have taken off after that coyote. Or a bunny rabbit or a turtle. I wouldn't trust her off leash on a wooded trail without her e-collar. I would worry too much about her safety if she acted silly.

Bruce, my sheepadoodle, has amazing recall but I worked on that with him from day one of being home with me at 3 months old. This trail is newer to us so I think I will be training both boys on the e-collar for their safety and mine!

 

[Ravenbird]

I 2nd the suggestions already given. I also agree that it's going to be a challenge at this point, since you're going through life changes and so is he. We call it the Doberteens - about 10 months to 1.5 year or longer. Keep firm and fair control, be a LEADER. These dogs really need to know the rules and boundaries. As much as they may act like they want to break all the rules, what they really want to know is how far they can push you. Consistency in everything... for example: if he's not allowed on the couch it shouldn't change if you're tired and frazzled and just don't feel like making him get off. That just tells him to always test you because sometimes it's ok. He's not trying to be bad, he's just figured out that sometimes it's not a real rule.

Also brain games. Dobermans are little Einsteins and they love to work puzzles. Not the little plastic toy puzzles, but games like nose work. It's something that you hide, they find and you reward them for it. It makes them feel like they can do something important on their own that pleases you. The whole game revolves around you letting them do the hunting and finding so it's the opposite of obedience where you tell them every move to make. It doesn't poop them out like hiking but if you do it on a regular basis you will notice he gets a quieter/calmer brain. There's several threads in the dog sports section that can help you get started and see lots of videos of several of us training and trialing so you can get an idea how it works.

Which brings me to the simple and fun advice: Read this forum, especially the puppy section and the training and behavior threads. Find titles that sound like Barry and read through the questions and advice - you'll find that you are not alone, that his intelligence and exuberance and wild behavior is not just him, and it's definitely not just you! The work you put into him you will be rewarded for over & over with a bond like no other.

The one other thing is about the e-collar. They are a priceless tool, I hope you got a high end one. The cheaper ones may have only 10 settings and going from 2 to 3 can be a deal breaker for a sensitive dog, 2 might be too low but 3 may be way too much. The ones with 100+ settings you'll have tiny increments to move up or down. Some Dobermans are super sensitive, mine is not at all bothered by a high stimulation, but she absolutely hated the vibrate setting. If you have any trouble at all, or aren't sure what you're doing, STOP. Again, more threads and advice on this subject already exist here, but you can start a new thread about it if you need to.

Looking forward to watching you and Barry grow together & I'm sure Bruce is a great guy for moral support as you go.

 

[Two Dobes]

I too am glad you came here to share your experiences...I also think it's great that you have HIM while you transistion into single living from being married.
I am afraid you will feel like he is regressing more than once; it's part of the learning curve of these smart creatures. He will understand, and it's sounds as though he is catching onto everything you are teaching him...love that you point in the kitchen and he gets right in his spot. They love to please, even though they test at this age....keep it fun!
Another thing to do in the house, and it can be real short, is hide n seek. Put them both in a stay, and go hide behind a bathroom door, or behind a couch, then call. They really enjoy the hunt, and get SO excited when they discover you! A couple of games of that for a few minutes is rewarding to them

 

[Gelcoater]

.Thank you for the reply! I read some things an reddit that also mentioned this is the age where they drive most people nuts. I love the idea of making him run up and down the stairs before training/walks, I will deffinetly do that! I am also worried about winter as he is actually such a princess when it comes to the weather, or anytring really. He doesn't even want to go outside for potty when its raining, so I've added a doggy snow suite to my Amazon wish list. He is not great on a leash and I really need to get that under control as well, I recently purchased a prong collar and need to do some more research on that before we give it a go.

I was very surprised they were both able to control themselves, that's my biggest worry on those hike sis running into wildlife. Another thing, he will NOT let me give him a bath. He jumps in and out of the tub and fights with every available muscle he has.. any advise on how to curb that?

Not sure how I'd get a Doberman in a tub, lol. We live in California, hose baths.
Rocky didn't like going out into the rain to do his business, I gave him the reward of a good towel down massage the princess seemed to really enjoy.
Followed by all 4 paws wiped of mud. He got to the point after the towel massage and sprint around the garage once he would just lift a paw for it, he knew it was coming.
We tried a coat with him, he hated it more than when my daughter and wife dressing him up for Halloween. And he only tolerated that for treats, so

 

[MyBuddy]

Not sure how I'd get a Doberman in a tub, lol. We live in California, hose baths.

Me either. Usually it's in our walk-in shower with a double length of handheld shower head that we put in just for our dog LOL I wanted to make sure it was long enough to go around the whole dog without having to move him. Works like a charm. Either that or during the summer the garage hose has hot and cold so I can bathe them on the driveway comfortably. Not saying that either one is done willingly though. Most of the time I have to grab them and walk them into the shower under somewhat of a protest LOL but once in there they're fine. And afterwards the Zoomies are a given!

 

[Kswoodssue]

Welcome! Kindred spirit here. Lived thru divorce AND doberteens! Our Sasha is now 3 1/2. She is incredible, but once seemed posessed by demons. Folks here helped me through it all. We still use the ecollar, as @Ravenbird says. Sasha just sometimes needs a beep to remind her that all the commands are not negotiable. I wish you all the best!

 

[BarryBoi358]

I too am glad you came here to share your experiences...I also think it's great that you have HIM while you transistion into single living from being married.
I am afraid you will feel like he is regressing more than once; it's part of the learning curve of these smart creatures. He will understand, and it's sounds as though he is catching onto everything you are teaching him...love that you point in the kitchen and he gets right in his spot. They love to please, even though they test at this age....keep it fun!
Another thing to do in the house, and it can be real short, is hide n seek. Put them both in a stay, and go hide behind a bathroom door, or behind a couch, then call. They really enjoy the hunt, and get SO excited when they discover you! A couple of games of that for a few minutes is rewarding to them

Thats a great idea as well! I will definitely play some hide and seek with the boys tonight! Tbh, I can already see an improvement since I first made this post. He's learning to self sooth and has started laying down/looking out the living room window when i get ready or watch TV. I love my boys so so sooooo much and I just want to the very best for them!